Thoughts On My Life As a Cart Pusher and a High Schooler

 Self-Realization

I have learned many things the past few years, and I could never sum them up in any possible way, but to say that God has been working clearly around me all this time. Finishing up High School, while working the grueling task of pushing carts for 4-5 hours (sometimes 7-8 hours), has taught me self-control, physical and mental discipline, perseverance, the need to understand, the realization that I am rarely as smart as I like to think I am, and most importantly, the need to study the Truth.
I am practically done with High School, which has been a huge lesson for me, not in math or history or politics, but primarily, I have learned the realization that I am, in reality, very ignorant. It doesn't take much of an imagination to think of how I felt about doing school, and often, I put it off for the sake of my own comfort, desires, or "fun" in general, never getting around to actually pushing through the laziness. There were sprees of sudden discipline, but never the full determination to complete the work from start to finish correctly, and with decent speed. But then, I was not the average teenager of the world, to some degree. For most, seeing a bad grade would gain the response of "Ah, too bad." But for me, there was Someone else at work in me. I felt a great disappointment when I got a bad grade (which I confess openly, was often). And when I gained a good grade, I knew it wasn't by my own self-determination. Though I didn't want to do school, and often put it off, it ate me alive to fail at it. My own stupidity was often realized up close, and I had no idea what this meant for me. The past four years of "self-discovery" were utterly painful, horrific and humbling, and it isn't over. But what really changed my thinking was the sudden need to have a dependence upon God. Had I gained perfect grades, never grew weary, and had an undeterred discipline over body and mind, I still was lacking something very important.


Cart pushing, likewise, taught me to lean on Him, not upon my own understanding. Though often called a "good worker," I often was very frustrated, tired or just lazy. I confess, I have never wanted to go to work, save for the first couple days of working there. Meijer is certainly not the greatest place on earth, and not all the people are the most wonderful of friends. I saw many types of co-workers, from lazy people, to the quiet people, to flirts, to strong, to weak, to the fast and slow- I have seen many. But then, had I the feeling of superiority over these, I was quickly reminded of my own faults. Hard work days were often caused by not-so-good co-workers, and bad management, but though I could blame the right people, it didn't change my own problems. It isn't a matter of just doing better work than others- it's a matter of doing a good job with the right focus and attitude. Physical pain, truly, was the least of my problems. Though often very cold or very hot, and often very exhausted, it only aided the truest of problems- my thinking. When the sudden repetition of the work sets it, and the monotony slows down time, one's mind desires to do many things. It wants to sit back and relax, or wander, or go far faster than it ought to, or see the faults in everyone else. But it rarely wants to do what is right. Artificial energy can be conjured up, either by caffeine, or some sudden feeling of purpose or importance, but it never truly satisfies me. When the excitement over anything is suddenly seen to be caused by something else (such as caffeine), it became an annoyance to me, and a disappointment, for fear that it all is fake. My own physical weariness, I thought, was enough reason to justify drinking more than a decent amount of caffeine, or even just an excuse to do nothing at all. And I can say, for myself, that a parking lot is one of the most frustrating places to work. Watching other people get frustrated, annoyed, and just plain angry, be it just or not, often spreads like a sort of disease. Observing two or three (sometimes even four) cars attempt to pull out or drive down the center of the lot, all at the same time, while trying to get a long row of carts to the entrance, does not make one feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Especially when one is in a hurry. And on top of physical pain and emotional frustration, there were specific co-workers that were, in essence, lazy or ignorant. Thought there were some co-workers I have had great friendships with, there were also those who wanted to do anything, save for the most important job. All of the side-tasks were often completed, while the main task (getting the lot clean of carts) was often ignored. Some co-workers were obvious flirts, following the newest girl around wherever she might go, and having a grand ole’ time, while the rest of us worked hard to get the work done.

But these frustrations were often unjustified. Sure, people are ignorant, lazy, and just arrogant at times. But that doesn’t change what their true problem is. Thinking about a specific co-worker, his problem wasn’t his lack of getting the right work done when it needed to be done, but rather, sin was his problem. It is his problem still, and that is what causes all of these other things. Though never confronting these people about these things, I often watched to see what they did, and when they did it. Their timing was amazing too. They would wait until the perfect opportunity (say, when the doors were full of carts, but the lot was still messy), and then go to the Service Coordinator (SC) and tell them that the doors were full, so they wanted to do something inside that was less physically demanding. It was awe-inspiring, to see how they got away with things. (And yes, that is sarcasm.) But again, their problem is sin. The deeds of the flesh, as Paul talks about in Galatians 5, are “evident.” We already know what they are (most of them), and it takes very little understanding to see them in action on any given day. But these are the results of the flesh- sin within the person. When some co-worker would take the name of Christ in vain, how was I to respond? “How dare you!” or “Stop!” could be tempting, but that doesn’t solve the problem. I have found that some people, who are often vulgar in more than one way, find a sort of holiness in keeping to the standards of others when in their presence. “Oh, that’s right” they say, after swearing in front of you. “Sorry.” They don’t mean it, as they swear again later, but they say these things as a sort of self-determined repentance. If they say “sorry,” then it is no longer bad. Their vulgarity is not finished, but rather loaded for a better opportunity. And thus, not only is their problem sin, but also the attempt to justify themselves.

So in both High School and cart pushing at Meijer, I have found many things concerning myself and the behavior of others. I have had many good conversations with co-workers such as Ben, Justin, Kyle and Tyler (all cart pushers at one time or another), and wish I could have more. But the need for the Gospel has been seen all the clearer. And being saved myself through Christ, I see all the clearer the need to advance beyond the Gospel, and to live for Christ daily, dying to self, and living in light of the Light. There cannot be a single person who sets up a plan for discipline and consistency that can keep to it. Because if that’s all they have, they’ll fail for sure. One doing much physical work can determine to finish the task, but they will eventually fall back, because they are not founded upon the Rock of God. The evil ones prosper around me, as mentioned many times in the Psalms, and I myself am not recognized for my own efforts as often as I may please, but that doesn’t change the reality in any way. All one has to do is look up at the clouds, and remember that the coming of Christ is near. And that should not only instill the desire to do better, but to also share the Gospel more often, to those willing to listen.
Things have changed drastically for me now, however, and I will learn many more things. High School was humbling, and cart pushing was both physically and mentally demanding, but now I have a new job, which deals with people far more often than anything else I have done yet, and is not as physically demanding as it is mentally demanding.
And despite all my failures and inconsistencies, ignorance and arrogance, God has blessed me far beyond anything that I could ask or think. He has even blessed me, of all the people in the world, the least deserving of all men, with the courtship of a very nice young woman.

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

II Corinthians 12:7-10